


What Happens at Whammy's House...

by Azurite9925



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Elevator prompt, M/M, Meronia, They're both assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 10:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12479332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurite9925/pseuds/Azurite9925
Summary: This was it. The day Near finally found someone who was just as much of an asshole as he was. And... perhaps a bit more. Really, all he wanted was an interview with L at Whammy's House LLC - how hard was that?OR -- Prompt: I saw you trying to hit the “door close” button in the elevator but I made it in and then I pushed every single button to make you later for work, but now we’re stuck in this fucking elevator as it stops at every single floor and I don’t know what to say other than “you started it"





	What Happens at Whammy's House...

“This is your fault.”

The elevator door opened with an an unabashedly cheerful ding, echoing between the two seething men like a 5-year-old with no idea what sort of storm was in coming at him. The duo were absolute contrasts: the blonde, a flamboyant, vivid and leather-clad figure, was nothing like the other, a silver haired youth with a quiet intensity about him. 

“Actually, I believe that this is  _ your _ fault, sir. You did, after all, press every single fucking button in an elevator that goes to 120 floors.” Although his tone was merely cool, the speaker’s eyes belied the smooth words as they seethed with murder. “What, in Christ’s name, would possibly possess you to do that?” he hissed.

The other man huffed and crossed his arms, turning his head dramatically, causing an oddly well-rehearsed swish of his blonde bob. “ _ You _ started it.” He muttered.

The pale-eyed stranger’s eye twitched violently as he stared at the other. What sort of imbecile would press  _ every fucking button _ of an elevator just because he had pressed the door close button just as the blonde was nearing the elevator? It wasn’t even anything personal - he simply couldn’t be late for his interview with L, the greatest lawyer in all of London. He resisted the temptation to bite his lower lip as he considered the possibility of L simply not meeting him because of the delay. After all, Linda had once told him that L was rather fickle and -

“What’s your name, anyways?” The blonde asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Nate River.” He quickly responded. He’d say that his friends call him Near and that he could do the same, but the stranger was  _ clearly _ not a friend.

The blonde cocked his head, gaze suddenly pensive. Near blinked - what happened to the bleeding arrogance that was there seconds ago? “River? Don’t you have a meeting with L?”

Near’s eyes narrowed on the other man. “Well, I  _ did _ , but if I’m going to be late because of you, I may not.” He coolly said. “That’s why I was pressing the “door close” button, idiot. How do you even know that, anyways?”

The blonde stared down the shorter man, his vicious glare turning his azure eyes sapphire.“I’m Mihael Keehl, L’s prized intern. Just graduated Cambridge this year.”

Near raised a skeptical eyebrow.  _ This _ was the prodigy Linda was going on about? The only boy who L personally taught at Whammy’s House LLC? This leather-clad, punk-ass, degenerate blonde was L’s  _ successor? _ He was literally wearing tight leather pants, a sleeveless muscle shirt, and the most extravagant red and black fur coat. Most ironically, he wore an ornate golden rosary around his neck. He had scar that covered half his face and part of his neck like some sort of criminal - frankly, imagining him anywhere near a legal firm was a hilarious thought in and of itself. He was definitely eye candy, but Near imagined L to be a bit more sophisticated than that - after all, Mello practically looked like a whore with how much of his body he was showing off in such a professional place. Near wanted to laugh in Mihael’s pretty little face.

And so, he did.

Mihael’s face turned absolutely scarlet at Near’s bell-like laughter, narrowing his eyes as he bristled like an agitated cat. “What the hell are you laughing about, River?” He spat.

Near decided in that moment that he no longer cared about this job interview - with people like Mihael, he was better off starting his own practice with Gevanni, Halle and Rester. He was over 15 minutes late, anyways, to the goddamned interview, and it was only the 59th floor. “You.” He stated, not even batting an eye.

Mihael’s jaw dropped as shock colored his features. By the time Near’s laughter died away, however, Mihael’s frame was trembling, bristled, almost comically tense. Near finally realized that there was a hurricane brewing on the other side of the elevator: Mihael was  _ pissed. _ And the blonde wasn’t used to holding his temper.

In a blink, Mihael shoved Near hard, causing the other to hit the metal wall with a heavy  _ thud. _ “Damn!” Near hissed, “What was that for?” He held his head as pain throbbed through his body in unforgiving waves. Couldn’t the fucker take a joke?

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” Mihael snapped.

Near glowered at the other man as he tried to stand up. The problem was, he was wobbly without the wal. Within seconds, the elevator seemed to spin and Near couldn’t think clearly. He cursed sluggishly in the back of his head. Near really hoped he wasn’t given permanent brain damage by a metrosexual with a leather fetish. It wasn’t on his bucket list nor was it really on anyone else’s (...anyone sane’s) bucket list, really, and the longer Near thought about buckets the more he realized that maybe he shouldn’t be thinking about buckets and should be paying attention to the ground because it looks awfully close - 

“What the fuck?” Mihael exclaimed, jumping back as Near collapsed on the floor. Mihael’s eyes widened as he stared at the suddenly failable Near with no small amount of guilt in his eyes. He really didn’t think he shoved the bastard  _ that _ hard… did he? “Are you okay?”

Near glared at the other through the fringe of his silver bangs, “Does it look like I’m okay, genius?” He snapped, oddly emotive, but even the taciturn show emotions when concussed.

Mihael sighed harshly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to shove that hard, alright?” He extended a hand to Near, who took it with no small amount of trepidation. The other man, although waifish in figure, was strong enough to pull Near up and comfortably serve as the albino’s crutch. As he leaned against the blonde, Near’s figure relaxed marginally as he let out a strangled breath. Seconds later, however, he fidgeted, straining to keep his eyes open as he valiantly battled against losing consciousness.

“M-Mihae-” When the silver-adorned figure went slack against Mihael, the blonde cursed. The boy lost that battle, after all. 

Mihael trained his aquamarine eyes on the other man, scowl softening as he observed how young the other was - younger than even he. The fucker must’ve been some sort of genius to skip all those grade levels. And damn, River may’ve been a dick but Mihael had to control that temper Matt kept telling him about so shit like this won’t keep happening. River’s features were soft, blank, like a blanket of fresh snow, and the longer Mihael looked at them, the more guilty he felt.

He sighed. He had to talk to L.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    As Near’s consciousness returned to him, he grew aware of the warmth surrounding him. It wasn’t encasing him, actually, just at his head - a lumpy pillow, but it was a nice one that smelled like chocolate and cigarette smoke, which was comforting in and of itself. Reminded him of his childhood, oddly enough. Sighing in contentment, he snuggled into the warmth further, curling onto his side, only to pause when his nose touched something warm - not under him, like a pillow should be, but in front of him, like some sort of wall. A warm, soft wall? It didn’t feel like a blanket. This… didn’t make sense.

“You’re awake.”

Near’s eyes snapped open as the voice’s soothing baritone rumble vibrated through him. He felt the blood rush from his already pale face when all he could see was soft, raven cloth before him. Startling, he straightened into sitting, blushing hotly as he realized just what was going on - his head was on Mihael’s lap. They were sitting on a bench in a waiting room of sorts, deserted save a single bonsai tree on the far end windowsill.

“What-what happened?” Near asked, forcing his voice back into composure as he tried to collect what was going on. Last thing he could remember, they were still on that damned elevator, going up and up and up and…. Mihael had shoved him and Near got a concussion. He must have passed out. 

Taking a deep breath, Near took a good look at exactly where he was - it  _ was _ a waiting room, but there were only two doors: the first was the entry to that thrice damned elevator, and the other was a single mahogany door that was marked with “L Lawliet” on a golden placard. They must have arrived to the 120th floor. The room was almost clinical in its pleasant pastel colors and meaningless landscapes, as if L was doing this to appease others, but didn’t care for pleasantries himself. Near never imagined L as the kind to tolerate the idiotic mundane, but even Near was wrong at times. 

Finally, his gray eyes landed on the figure beside him, Mihael. The man was much more still, more pensive, as he watched Near with eyes that were much too clinical and observant for Near’s liking. He didn’t expect it out of the seemingly-passionate drama queen. “Well?” Near asked, his voice hoarse. “Were you ever going to answer my question?”

Mihael paused for a moment and then shrugged, the intensity in his eyes vanishing as if he was satisfied with what he saw. He leaned back in his chair, “I don’t think there’s much to say. We made it to the 120th floor, and L’s door is right over there. You passed out, and I decided to keep you company just in case you die and I need to drag out another dead body.” He said, voice comically even.

Near snorted, “Another dead body?”

Mihael shot the other man a wolfish smile. “What happens in Whammy’s House stays in Whammy’s House.” 

Near nodded, and then paused. “That still doesn’t explain why my head was on your lap.” Mihael instantly colored at his words, amusing Near.

“I-well I mean, you were passed out and… and…”

“There’s a pillow on the armchair beside you.” Near pointed out.

Mihael’s face only got redder, “I… Y’know you’re really annoying, okay? And… Like… I’m sorry for pressing all the buttons and making you late, alright? I’m even more sorry because… I lost my temper.” He mumbled out, staring at the floor. The edge of Near’s lips curled upwards slightly.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Mihael huffed, crossing his arms, “You heard me!” He exclaimed.

Near held up his hands as a gesture of peace, “I did, calm down.” He said. Mihael let out a sigh and looked away. The two sat in a silence that demanded to be broken - and eventually, sick and tired of it, Near spoke again, “I… guess I shouldn’t have pressed the door close button on you.” He admitted. He didn’t think he was actually sorry for closing it on Mihael - Near had a very low capacity for guilt, and there were other elevators which Mihael could’ve taken - but he was sorry for all the insanity that took place. And especially for the concussion, and being late, although the former was admittedly his fault.

But, when, at his words, Mihael looked up and Near saw an odd spark of warmth in his gaze, Near was suddenly glad he apologized. Mihael spoke, a bit warmly, “You’re not bad, River.” He stated. Near suddenly felt a bit of impulsiveness through his veins, and spoke.

“Near.”

Mihael cocked his head slightly, “What?”

“Call me Near. That’s my nickname.” Near asked, his lips curling into a small smile. 

Mihael laughed loudly, making Near roll his eyes. “Near? That’s such a dumb nickname!” He exclaimed, making Near’s smile droop slightly. Perhaps Near had been moving too fast. “You must get waaaay too many puns made out of it. Might even be…  _ Near _ the end of your wits!” He exclaimed, breaking into a fit of laughter that made Near’s eye twitch violently. Mihael eventually cooled down, “Anyways. I can’t really judge to be honest with you. My best friend calls me Mello.” Near suppressed a smile.

“That’s probably the worst name someone can ever give you.” Near commented, mentally bracing himself for another loud rebuke.

Mello, however, simply nodded, “I know, right? I’m as mellow as your average tornado.”

Near nodded, “You got that one right.”

The two fell into an oddly amiable silence as they sat beside each other. Near, although aiming his head at the landscape painting across from them, snuck glances at Mello. The other man was definitely a basket case, but Near could see himself dealing with the ardent intern once and a while, with some Tylenol, mind you. Mello himself was glancing at Near, wondering if the asshole on top really did run as deep as Mello once imagined it to be. He definitely seemed a bit smarter than the average idiot that Whammy’s looked through. Even if he was infuriating… Mello would kill for some mental stimulation. L was far too busy for his liking. 

The two continued their dance of glances until they finally collided gazes, causing both to quickly look away, Near clearing his throat as Mello’s face flushed. “So.” Mello began. “Um..” 

“Yes?” Near asked, turning to face Mello. Mello couldn’t help but be painfully aware of Near’s knee pressing against his own, how close they were on the bench - Near… was a bit too cute and a bit too infuriating for Mello to feel fully calm and confident around. Mello flushed - did he really think Near was  _ cute _ ? He took another look at Near’s soft features, large, shining eyes, and pretty, pouty lips - yeah, Near was definitely cute.

He took a deep breath in and decided to be honest. It was weird and a bit brash, but if that wasn’t Mello, he didn’t know what was, “I know this is weird, especially considering I just gave you a concussion and lost you a job interview, but… would you like to grab coffee later?”

Near just  _ stared _ at him, eyebrows delicately arched.

Mello, in that moment, felt a lot smaller than he had when Near had laughed at him. It had hurt, but he understood why - Mello didn’t dress like a law intern. Near would probably reject it, probably think he’s some blonde bimbo even though Mello knew he was smarter than Near could ever be. He knew it was a stupid thing, an impulsive thing, but really -

“Sure.”

Mello’s jaw dropped. “Really?” he said, once he put himself back together. 

Near looked at him with blatant unamusement. “I really don’t like repeating myself.”

“It was a bit of a long shot.” Mello admitted, “After all, I did give you a concussion.”

“Oh, I know. You’re a menace - you’d drive me insane.” Near said, completely serious.

Mello arched an eyebrow, smile melting away.

Near, picking up on Mello’s souring mood, quickly added, “You’re pretty decent looking.”

Mello snorted, crossing his arms and fixing Near a “God Help Me” stare. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re the kind of person who never compliments people?”

“Because you’re perceptive and not stupid.” Near dryly commented.

“Why, thank you.” Mello said, clearly mocking. He was much more than “not stupid,” but Near didn’t know anything about him yet, now did he? 

Near snorted and shuffled a bit closer to Mello, so that the sides of their legs were touching comfortably. Mello’s lips curled into an involuntary smile - a small one, a real one - and he looked away from Near, pretending not to notice the other man. Near shook his head at Mello’s posturing and looked to the heavens, wondering just why he said yes to spending time with this whacko. When he still found Mello posturing beside him, Near sighed and decided that drastic measures were needed. 

Quickly, Near turned to the side and pressed a small kiss to Mello’s scarred cheek, causing the other man to freeze and turn the most vibrant shade of scarlet Near had seen yet. Near smirked slightly, his lips tingling with the sensation of Mello’s surprisingly soft cheek. He was never one for quick romances, but to see Mello blush and sputter, Near would gladly peck the other’s cheek. 

“I see the two of you are getting along swimmingly.” 

The sudden baritone voice snapped the two out of their world and drew gazes to the figure in front of L Lawliet’s door. Hunching in baggy jeans and a white long sleeve shirt, L looked nothing like a lawyer in court. His eyes were sharp, cultured, yes, but otherwise he seemed like a rather scruffy college student, at best. He had the faintest of smiles tugging at his lips as his eyes glanced between the blushing Mihael and stunned Near.

“L!” Mello said, “Thanks for coming.”

Near turned to the other, “You knew he was coming?”

Mello nodded. “Yeah, I called him up and explained the situation, he said he’d meet with you when he got back from the meeting he had right after yours.”

“Mm.” L hummed, “Mr. Keehl informed me of your… elevator situation.” If Near was a weaker man, he would face palm. Yes, pettily fighting with the boss’ intern, that was the best first impression he could ever make to a potential future employer. Thankfully, Near was a stronger man and simply continued to hold L’s piercing gaze. “I’ll be in my office. Take a moment and then enter - I’d hate to interrupt.” he threw a positively criminal smirk Mello’s way, making the blonde sputter even further.

At this point, even Near’s underdeveloped empathy felt a bit of pity.

Mello cleared his throat. “Anyways.” He stated awkwardly.

“Thanks.” Near smiled, genuinely, for once, and rested a hand on Mello’s shoulder. It was decent of the blonde to ask his boss to give Near another chance. Mello nodded shortly and looked away, not used to being acknowledged positively. 

“Oh. By the way.” L’s head popped in from the inside of his office door, “Why didn’t you two simply get off at another floor and get onto the other elevator?” 

Near’s smile grew forced as he clenched his hands - why  _ didn’t  _ they? It seemed all too obvious now… some fucking genius he was. Mello, however laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know, boss, but I’m sure as hell glad I met this one.” He commented, sending Near a smile. Near found himself smiling back, oddly enough. Yeah, Mello was a piece of work. But Near was glad he didn’t get off early.

L simply shrugged and went back to his office.

Mello stood soon after, his rosary swinging at the sudden motion. “Hey, have Mr. Lawliet give you my number, okay? I’ll see you later. You got this, Near.” Mello said.

Near snorted - of course he had this. “Thanks.”

As Near watched Mello’s retreating figure, he smiled to himself.

_ Thanks, Mello, really.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
